When I was a kid, I lived in the country, and we felt safe to ride our bikes all over the neighborhood without supervision or any fear that anything bad would happen. I used to ride my bike down a quiet country road about a mile and a half away from my house to a place that I labeled my "secret spot". This magical place, right along the road, had a very large maple tree growing by a peaceful, rippling brook. If I stood on my tiptoes on the bridge railing, I was able to reach the lowest branch of this big tree. I was strong enough to be able to pull myself up and sit in this tree and ponder on life's difficulties and my emotional upsets. At the age of 10, I can’t imagine that I had a lot to deal with, but my sensitive little spirit needed a safe place to process life. Because, after all, elementary school drama, neighbor kid drama, and sibling drama are real. Right? Even though I say that in jest, I am a bit surprised, looking back, that at such a young age, I was already looking for peace, tranquility, and finding myself. This big tree by the stream provided a place where I felt safe, and I could process all my little girl emotions.
I guess growing up in a family of 11 children, with a busy, loud household, quite possibly is where my enneagram 9 started to take root; needing inner peace, self-awareness, and a safe space. But let's be honest. I may have needed that secret spot to escape from pulling weeds and cleaning the bathroom. I was the youngest, you know, and according to my siblings, I got off easy. (insert eyeroll)
Even though this secret spot was really cool, it developed in me the desire to run or escape when something wasn't going my way. I now understand that seeking peace isn't a bad thing, but running from a problem is. My cultural background didn't teach me very well how to deal with conflict. It was common to sweep emotions and discord under the rug and not confront or address them. Because of this not being modeled well, I had a lot of growing to do in this area. Learning to engage in conflict and deny my inner desire to run from it has been hard, but God has been faithful in walking me through this.
It's been interesting to reflect on this childhood memory. It helped me to put some pieces of the puzzle together concerning how my identity and personality were formed. Yes, God formed me in my Mother's womb, and he designed me according to his plan, but where does nature vs nurture come into play? Perhaps this topic needs a blog of its own.
The reason I felt this story was important to share is that I wanted to stimulate your thinking in the way you process difficulties in life. Where do you run and who do you turn to when you are overwhelmed? Do you stuff it down? Do you turn to a crutch like drinking, unhealthy eating, or binge watching your favorite show? Do you overwork? Exercise excessively?
In my faith journey, I have found the only safe place for me to run is into the arms of Jesus. In that secret place, I am perfectly loved and cherished, and it's where I find peace that passes all understanding. Trust me, it's way better than climbing a tree.
I pray that the Father's peace-filled embrace becomes a reality and a common occurrence for you in your faith journey as well. Be blessed, my sweet friends, and thank you for reading!
