I have been in church leadership, in some capacity, for more than 30 years. I don’t pretend to be a leadership expert, nor do I claim to have all the answers for women aspiring to lead. What I do have are lessons learned through experience.
Over the years, I’ve led a mom’s ministry, a women’s ministry, and small groups. I currently serve as an elder, I’m a former associate pastor, and my husband and I have been in ministry together for 20 years, leading a growing church. I also serve on the DOVE USA Apostolic Team.
Along the way, I’ve observed women approach leadership in very different ways. I’ve seen women who undermine teams and lose influence, women who hold leadership titles but lack respect, and women who lead with excellence, humility, and strength. I’ve learned from all of them.
This post is my attempt to offer thoughtful guidance for women who aspire to leadership—or who are currently leading and want to grow—without making it overly long or complicated.
Be a Team Player, Not a Lobbyist
One of the most damaging behaviors I’ve seen is when someone disagrees with a team decision and then attempts to gather support outside the meeting to overturn it. This erodes trust quickly.
Leadership requires the ability to voice your opinion in the appropriate setting—and then support the decision once it’s made, even if it wasn’t your preference. Quietly influencing others afterward is not leadership; it’s manipulation.
Say Yes When Opportunity Knocks
I’ve heard women express frustration that more women aren’t seen on church platforms, yet when opportunities arise, they sometimes decline—out of fear, intimidation, or insecurity.
While those feelings are understandable, they can’t coexist with a call to lead. If we desire influence, we must be willing to step forward when invited. Saying no to opportunities and then criticizing leadership for gender imbalance creates unnecessary tension and undermines credibility.
Tough Skin, Soft Heart
Leadership requires both resilience and emotional maturity.
If criticism devastates you, if offense lingers, or if emotions derail your ability to lead, personal healing must come first. Unresolved wounds will surface in leadership and affect your team.
Healthy leaders can:
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receive constructive criticism
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process disappointment without offense
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remain steady when things don’t go their way
Be a problem solver, not a problem creator.
Communicate Clearly and Calmly
Well-respected female leaders learn how to be direct and decisive without being domineering. They communicate expectations clearly, calmly, and concisely.
Unfortunately, our culture often celebrates strong personalities in men while labeling women negatively for the same traits. That reality makes communication skills even more important. Mastery of calm, confident communication allows a woman to lead effectively without unnecessary friction.
Additionally, if you are a female working with mostly men, remember that men often don't connect with lengthy, flowery monologues. They typically relate well to the get-to-the-point kind of communication.
One very practical suggestion: as women, we need to be aware of the tonality of our voices. When we become animated or passionate, our voices can naturally rise in pitch. If we’re not mindful, that higher pitch can come across as shrill, which may be distracting or off-putting to the listener.
Learning to regulate our tone—slowing down, grounding our voice, and speaking with calm confidence—can significantly increase our influence and help our message be received the way we intend.
Stop Trying to Control the Outcome
If you have a strong personality, you may be used to pushing until you get the result you want. That approach does not work in healthy leadership environments.
Leadership requires submitting to process:
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No means no
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Wait means wait
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A decision means the discussion is over
Manipulation, pressure, and control will eventually cost you influence.
Be Confident in Your God-Given Abilities
When you are asked to do something you know you’re capable of, step forward confidently. Don’t diminish yourself by assuming someone else would do it better.
Likewise, when you’re asked to do something that feels beyond you, but you sense God’s leading, trust Him to equip you. Confidence isn’t arrogance; it’s coming into agreement with what God has placed inside you.
Don’t Blame Gender for Every Closed Door
If an idea isn’t embraced by the team, accept the decision with humility. It may not have been the right idea—or the right timing. Not every “no” is rooted in gender bias, and defaulting to that assumption can hinder growth.
Strong leaders learn to receive feedback without defensiveness.
Leadership Requires Listening
Some women with strong personalities are accustomed to dominating an environment, often unintentionally. While that may function in personal relationships, it does not translate well into leadership.
Leadership requires listening to multiple voices, receiving feedback, and valuing collective wisdom. What works in one context will not always work in the church or corporate leadership setting.
Final Thought
Healthy leadership isn’t about control, validation, or recognition—it’s about trust, maturity, and service. Women who lead well embrace growth, welcome accountability, and walk confidently in who God has called them to be.
